im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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