She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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