so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
We have so much sex to catch up on
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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