So drunk its hurt
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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