Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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