I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize