I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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