Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
