Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
