It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
