I am puke
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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