the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
