: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
