We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
