I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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