I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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