She is in my trunk
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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