I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Ladies don't puke and tell
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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