Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
