I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
