it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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