They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
