I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I have post one night stand depression
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