My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
