I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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