DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
high people should be assigned attendants
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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