i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
well most of my day revolves around power hour
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
