I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize