Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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