I cannot find my penis.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
stop calling my apartment porn island.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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