I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
