Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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