I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
