He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
