If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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