So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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