I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
