I think I died a long time ago.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
