i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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