Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
