I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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