The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
dude i'm inner monologue high
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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