Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize