i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
