There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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