so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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