A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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