I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
