There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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