You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
