Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
