Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
