I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
