Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
