I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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