If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
