you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
smell my finger.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
