Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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