Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
