Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
