I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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