i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
