my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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