life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
His nipple licking is glorious
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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