a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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