Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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