i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
