Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize