i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
sarcasm needs its own font
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
