Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
