THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
