she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
