foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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