Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
