I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
