Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
