The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize