I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize