You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
and eventually we just all took our pants off
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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