I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
