I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
