Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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