What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
