My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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