My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
