I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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