Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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