I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize