After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
