The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
honey bunches of taint.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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