sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
