I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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