Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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